just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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