so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
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six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
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By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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