I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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