walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
