Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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