I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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