Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
a search helicopter?!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
