Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
