I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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