I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
