I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
