i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
birth control should be required to get into college
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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