2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
