My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
