I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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