The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
