I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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