I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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