OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
