Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dignity is for republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything I said about communal showers
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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