He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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