I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
