Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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