no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
