K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
