Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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