the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
