So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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