Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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