My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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