This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
