So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
3 2 1 whiskey
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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