im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
