Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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