Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
