In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
