You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
