i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
