I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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