Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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