He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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