i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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