I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
