you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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