people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
