Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
