Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
