youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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