guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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