I don't usually arrange sex via text message
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
