i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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