I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize