Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
