Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
