This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
