she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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