another moral hangover. fuck.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
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i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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