dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
