Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I enjoy the company of your penis
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
