My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
