If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
