I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
