you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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