It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
