Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
