Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
