love makes seman taste better
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
