I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
