you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
