If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
