when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
