if you like me you must not know who I am
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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